


Til Something Remains

by DarkCellar



Category: Kylo Ren - Fandom, Star Wars, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), kylux - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Star Wars Setting, Armitage Hux - Freeform, Bisexual, Brief Reylo, F/M, Gay, Han Solo - Freeform, High School AU-Star Wars, Kylo Ren/Ben Solo - Freeform, Kylux - Freeform, Luke Skywalker - Freeform, M/M, Poe Dameron - Freeform, Psychic Bonding, Rey Kenobi, Romance, Star Wars - Freeform, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015) - Freeform, The Force, finn - Freeform, supreme leader snoke - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-14
Updated: 2017-06-14
Packaged: 2018-11-13 13:19:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 18,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11185941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkCellar/pseuds/DarkCellar
Summary: Fresh on the heels from a breakup with his boyfriend, Armitage Hux, Ben is in a place of mental and emotional vulnerability, and loneliness.Ben Solo comes from a uniquely gifted family, where all but one member has the ability to read minds.Ben (who refers to himself as Kylo Ren) has never met anyone outside of his family that had the same abilities. A chance encounter with a girl on the beach changes all that, and he sets forth to develop something meaningful with the quiet, enigmatic Rey Kenobi.Their tentative union, which hovers right on the balance of friendship and romance, threatens to break apart due to Kylo's increasingly dangerous involvement with the new, somewhat sinister guidance counselor, Mr. Snoke. It's up to them to find out whether their bond is strong enough to withstand Snoke, as well as to confront the hidden desires in each of their souls.





	1. Chapter 1

He walked down the winding pier, breathing in the faint smell of fish and the sea air that whirled all around him in waves and mists.

It was about two hours before sunset, and the sun had just made its way around to the point in the sky where it would soon be kissing the water. 

Kylo came out here often, after school, to relax and unwind. Sometimes he came with a group of his friends, but more often than not he came alone.

There was a spot on the pier, about halfway down towards the lighthouse, that he had made an unspoken claim on. It was a section where the smooth payment ended and the cobbled rocks began, beyond the calm waters of the harbor where the waves splashed wildly and without restraint.

He had staked out a particularly large grouping of rocks that rose up just above the reach of the water, that faced the side of the sky where the sun would set.

He continued on his way, pushing his hair out of his face, and stopped abruptly when he got close to his usual spot.

A girl was sitting there, on his rock.

He slowed his speedy march to an idlers pace, in order to get a better look at her.

Even from the side, in the bright sunlight, he could see that she was quite pretty.

Her porcelain skin was lit up in a splash of orange-gold with the beginning of the sunset. Her eyes matched the cerulean blue of the waters below her. Her bare legs, which were dangling over the side of the rocks, were spotted with very faint, light brown freckles, as were her shoulders and neck. She was wearing a pretty, light pink dress that nicely complimented her rosy cheeks. It blew up in little waves around her knees in the steady breeze. Her shoes were off and sitting to the side of her, her bare toes pointed gracefully towards the water.

Her chestnut brown hair was loose and blowing out to the side of her, which she continually swept back with her hand.

In her other hand was what appeared to be the remains of a blueberry muffin, which she was breaking pieces off of and tossing into the waters below, much to the delight of the small group of ducks gathered beneath her feet.

It occurred to him, as he looked at her, that he knew her, a little. He saw her around the hallways at school sometimes, and, although he wasn't positive, he was fairly certain that they had third period geometry class together.

She glanced up once, and saw Kylo from where he was still a ways away. She looked at him for a few moments, then back down at the ducks, apparently having decided that Kylo wasn't a threat.

He kept walking, intending to go past her to the very end of the pier where the lighthouse was. He MEANT to keep going, but something else slowed him up.

Her mind.

Kylo was used to hearing the thoughts of others; it was something he had been able to do since he was a young child. It came naturally to him, the way breathing did, or blinking.

Her mind was slightly different.  
Interesting.

It was as if she had a number of different people inside her head, and was carrying on conversations with all of them at the same time.  
The words were fairly jumbled, but the concept was clear. To him, just hearing it was like having 12 or so people speaking in 12 different voices, directly into his ear.

How does she stand that?, he asked himself. How does she not go crazy, or throw herself off of the fucking pier and into the water? I would have.

~Because I can't swim, and today seems like a bad day to die~

His mouth dropped open, and for a second he stopped dead in his tracks, shock rendering him unable to keep moving towards her.

He . . . he didn't hear that.

Did he?

~Look, dude, either come and sit by me, or don't. You're creeping me out just standing there~

He forced himself to take the extra few steps over to her, and sat himself gingerly down at her side. He made a face as he noticed how much colder it was, so close to the water's edge, and he rolled both of his sleeves down to the wrists.

He wasn't really sure what to say, and she didn't seem eager to initiate any conversation, either. When he could take the quiet no longer, he blurted out,

"I heard you."

She looked at him, but said nothing. Instead she opened up the shoulder bag that was sitting next to her, and fished around inside of it until her hand snagged on what she was looking for.

She handed it over to him. It was a small bag of gummy worms, the neon sour kind.

"You look hungry," she said quietly. "I always see you eating candy around school, so, here. Take some."

He gently tore open the package and took out a handful of the bright-colored candies. Then he folded over the top of the bag and handed it back to her. 

"Thanks," he said quietly, and began to nibble on one.

They continued to sit there in silence, staring out at the water and listening to the calls of the seagulls shrieking at each other along the sand.

"You have it, too," Rey said slowly. The wind whipped her long brown hair around her fast, and she pushed it back with her hand as she looked at him.

"It?", he replied, just as slowly. "You mean--", he stopped, and then subtly tapped his forehead with his fingers.

She nodded and smiled, tapping her own forehead.

"This is weird," she said. She opened up the package of gummies and brought out a bright red worm, which she chewed slowly. "I've never met anyone else who could, um, 'hear'."

"Come meet my family some time," he said with a smirk. "Except for my dad, everyone can do it. My grandpa, when he was alive; my mom, my uncle, and me."

"Myself."

"What?"

"Myself. You said, 'and me'. You should say, 'and myself'."

He rolled his eyes, and put another gummy in his mouth. "What are you, the grammar police?"

"There's never a bad time for good grammar," she said in a serious tone, before she let out a little chuckle. After a moment, he joined her.

"So I've seen you a few times, I think. We both have Kerpatski, don't we?", she asked him

"Third period? Yeah. I sit in the back. I'm the one . . . "

" . . . who never says anything," she finished with him, grinning.

"Exactly."

"I'm surprised, if we're in the same class, I haven't 'heard' you before," she said, looking at him curiously.

"I'm good at keeping my mind to myself when I'm at school," he said with a shrug. "Otherwise I'd probably drive myself even more nuts." He tilted his head and looked at her. "I hear you a lot, though. Well, I hear everyone a lot, but I didn't think you could hear me back."

"Meeting of the freaks," she said, laughing. She stuck out her hand. "My name is Rey, in case you didn't know. Rey Kenobi."

He took her hand and squeezed it gently. "Bond. James Bond. No, just kidding, it's Ren. Kylo Ren."

"Kylo Ren?", she asked suspiciously. "Am I imagining things, or doesn't the teacher call you Ben? Ben Solo?"

"Maybe. But that's not what I call MYSELF. Me and my friends call me Kylo. Or is it 'my friends and myself'?", he asked teasingly.

"Very good. Or, you know, just 'my friends and I'."

They sat in companionable quiet for a while, eating gummies and watching the water, before he turned back towards her and said,

"This is gonna sound weird, but--do you want to hang out sometime?"

"We're hanging out right now, aren't we?"

"We are. But I was thinking, maybe, hanging out somewhere else? Like, the movies? We can go see Wonder Woman?"

"Are you saying that because you think that's something I'D want to see, or because you'd legit like to see it, too?

"Both. I'm a whore for D.C. movies."

"Are you gonna be disappointed when I tell you I'm a Team Marvel girl?

He rolled his eyes and started to snicker. "No, no. Fuck, everyone is a Team Marvel person. D.C. is better though."

"D.C. movies are always so dark, and depressing. Life is dark and depressing enough. If I'm gonna see a comic book movie, I need it to make me laugh."

"D.C. movies have humor in them, you know."

"Uh, yeah, they'll tell a great joke right before someone's parents are brutally murdered."

"Okay, okay. So how about we see something else? Or go somewhere else?"

She raised an eyebrow at him. "You come on a little strong, you know that?"

"Sorry; I'm just a little excited. Like I said I've never met anyone outside my family, who could . . . ", and he tapped his forehead again.

She smiled then, a real smile that lit up her whole face. Kylo was struck, again, by how pretty she was.

"Wonder Woman sounds fantastic, Kylo."

"But . . . but you just said . . "

"I know. But D.C. or not, I really can't pass up a movie where a chick kicks ass. I just can't. But . . "

" . . . but?"

"But, I don't know. Are you sure you want to hang out with ME? There's a lot wrong with me, besides being a freak."

She pulled her handbag onto her lap, and dug her hand around inside of it. She pulled out 3 orange-tinted prescription bottles, one by one, and set them down in the little space between them.

"Depression. Anxiety. Insomnia," she said, pointing to each little bottle in turn.

Kylo picked up the first bottle and studied it, a small smile on his face. 

"I take these, too. But my per-pill milligram dosage is higher than yours."

He set the bottle back down, and pointed to the last one. "For THIS, I just take over-the-counter sleep aids. Sometimes they work, sometimes not. When they don't, I spend all night annoying my friends who CAN sleep with texts."

He pulled out his phone and opened his contacts list, clicking on the New Contact button. 

"I'd love to add you to my 'annoy' list."

Rey started to laugh, and shook her head. "Okay, I have to give you credit for that; that was the smoothest ploy for a number I've ever heard in my life."

She gave him her number, and he typed it into his phone, asking her how to spell her name. When he finished he held out his phone at her and said "Smile!"

She immediately covered her face with her arm? "What? No!", she exclaimed, her voice slightly muffled.

"C'mon, I need to have a pic to assign to your contact; otherwise I might forget who you are. Poor memory, you know."

She groaned, then slowly moved her arm away from her face. She crossed her eyes and stuck out her tongue, and Kylo laughed while he snapped the picture.

"That's a fucking masterpiece right there."

"Glad you think so."

She began to gather up her things, and stood up, stretching.

"I have to go," she said. "How about, tomorrow, you come sit up front by me in class? Then we can talk more about Wonder Woman and stuff."

"It'd be easier if you came and sat back by ME. It's easier to get away with talking in the corner."

"It doesn't matter either way, though. I just don't want to go to the back of the room. It's cold back there."

"It doesn't matter? Then how--?"

She leaned down and tapped her small fingers playfully against his forehead. 

"Oh, yeah," he said sheepishly. "Okay, deal, I'll come sit by you."

She smiled at him, and began to walk away. She got about ten feet before turning back, and thinking,

~See ya later, weirdo~

Adios, Wonder Woman, he thought back, grinning.


	2. Chapter 2

"Kiss me."

"No."

"Why not?"

Kylo sighed, getting up and moving to sit in his chair across the room.

Six months.

He had been broken up with this boy for nearly six months now, yet he somehow still had not gotten the message. Any time the two were alone, like now, Hux was pestering him, pawing at him, trying to get him to react in a way that was more than just friendly.

But their relationship had exploded into a fireball when Kylo discovered, through the redhead's thoughts, that he had been cheating on Kylo for some time. But that wasn't even what hurt the most. The worst pain came from the fact that Hux KNEW Kylo could read thoughts, and had done nothing to hide his treachery.

They had hashed it out, both verbally and with their fists, and at the end of it all, they had ended what had been a turbulent 2 year love. Since that time, Hux had been both remorseful, and relentless in his quest to get Kylo back. And Kylo knew, from his thoughts, that he was one hundred percent sincere in his claims that he had made a mistake, and he loved Kylo more than anything.

Unfortunately for them both, once trust was broken with Kylo, it was nearly impossible to gain it back. He was only very recently able to take Hux back into his life as a friend, and that had more to do with their pre-existing history as best friends long before romance had reared its despicable head.

But Hux was doing nothing to make the transition an easy one.

"I love you, Hux. You know this. But you also know HOW I love you. I can't give you the kind of love you're asking for. I'm sorry."

Hux was quiet, and then he burst out into jocular, high-pitched laugh. Clearly he meant it to sound light-hearted, but his thoughts betrayed him.

"It's funny," he told Kylo, his laugh tapering down into soft snickering, "Its like, you think you telling me that CHANGES the way I feel, at all."

"It should, Hux. It needs to change."

"I can't help it, 'Lo. I see you and I want you. I see you all the time. At school, at the store, at home, alone, in my dreams . . ."

"Hux, don't . . .", Kylo breathed out weakly.

Hux stood and crossed the short distance to him. He reached out and took Kylo's face between his hands. 

"This. This, still feels like mine. And no matter what you say or do, this will always feel like MINE."

He leaned in to kiss him, but Kylo ripped his face away before their lips had a chance to connect.

"You can't tell me you don't miss this," Hux said, undeterred. He dropped to his knees in front of Kylo's chair, and put his hands on Kylo's pants zipper. "You know what I miss?", he purred, starting to pull the zipper down.

Kylo grabbed his hands firmly, and dropped them away from his lap. 

"NO."

Hux dropped his head, and, sighing, went back to sit on the bed. He folded his hands into his lap and said, somewhat angrily,

"Why don't you tell me to fuck off? Why don't you tell me to get up and get the fuck away from you?" He shook his head slowly, his voice dropping lower as he continued, "It'd be easier to take, if you were an ass to me. If you just cut ties with me completely, it'd be easier."

"Is that what you want, though? For me to have to completely cut you out of my life? I thought we could still be friends. After all this time, we still aren't. Not really. Because you won't let us be."

Hux continued to stare down at his hands, reflectively clenching and unclenching his fists in his lap. 

"So what is it that 'just friends' DO?", he asked Kylo quietly after awhile, still not looking up.

"Well, they help each other study for history tests, for one. Which is what we're SUPPOSED to be doing right now."

"I'd rather study YOU. Sans clothing."

Kylo rolled his eyes. "Also, 'just friends' DON'T SAY THINGS LIKE THAT."

Hux laughed, holding out his hands in defense. "I know, I know; that was a joke, obviously."

But it hadn't been.  
At least, not to Hux.

"Hux . . . ," Kylo began, and stopped.

So many things he wanted to say, so many things he had said a hundred times already.

And something new.

He wanted, somewhat, to tell him about Rey. About how much time they were spending together. How close they were getting.

He wanted to tell him these things, not out of a sense of malice, or with intent to hurt Hux; but to tell him so that he would understand.

Understand that Kylo was moving on, or trying to; and holding on to any facsimile of his relationship with Hux would not help that process in any way.

In the end, he decided against it.

After all, his 'relationship' with Rey was still in the friendship stages; hurting Hux over something that wasn't even off the ground yet (or possibly, never would be) would be cruel and pointless.

An excuse, yes, but the only one Kylo could justify in his head.

So he only said, "There's a lot of material to cover. Let's get started, okay?"

"Okay. So let's study. History. ANCIENT history. How appropriate for us."

But for that comment, Kylo had no response.

\---

Hey.

~Hey~

So this is exciting, right?

~Biggest thrill ever. Not sure if I can take much more; my heart might stop~

Kylo burst into real laughter at that, causing those around him to give him a confused little stare, and earning him a "Shhh" from a passing teacher.

The senior class was sitting in the west auditorium, listening to an army recruiter give a long-winded speech about joining up with the army after high school. Set to speak after him were several representatives from state and local colleges.

Kylo glanced at his watch and sighed. The room was dusty, and poor ventilation combined with the close sitting arrangements made it feel like an oven.

Still, this thing was getting him out of 2 full class periods, one of them being Biology, which he hated, so he guessed it wasn't all bad.

They were seated by homeroom, with a particularly stern teacher walking around to make sure they stayed in their seats; otherwise Kylo probably would have gotten up and joined Rey.

As it was, he was grateful that he was at least sitting next to one of his best friends, Gwen Phasma. She was an unusually tall girl, standing at a solid 6'5" next to Kylo's 6'3", and pretty, with short wavy blonde hair, soft blue eyes, near-pristine skin and tiny, even features.

Gwen had been the main one to help him, after his painful breakup with Hux, lending both words of encouragement and a shoulder to cry on when the weight of everything got to be too much for him.

People often saw the two of them together and made the assumption that they were dating, but nothing could be further from the truth. They were more like siblings than anything else, which was reflected in the teasing, comfortable way they acted with each other.

Phasma had been ecstatic when Kylo told her, tentatively, that he had met a girl that he really liked. He had left out the part about Rey being a mind-reader like himself, feeling that that was her own business to disclose if she chose, not his. But there were a number of other interests and personality traits they had in common, and these he had lauded to Phasma.

Kylo had been worried, initially, when he had introduced the two to each other. It had always been his experience that potential girlfriends looked upon a boy having a FEMALE best friend as being suspicious. But Rey had been more than understanding; perhaps because, conversely, she had a male best friend.

Two, in fact.

One of them was in her homeroom, and he sat next to her now, leaning over and whispering to her throughout the assembly.

He was an athletic-looking African American boy, with short black hair, dark brown eyes, and a somewhat muscular, sinewy body. He played both basketball and ran track for the school, and Rey would often go to his games or a meet, despite having no personal interest in either sport.

The first time he had met Kylo, he looked him slowly up and down, then shook his hand hard enough to crush it.

Kylo got the feeling (and he wasn't wrong) that Finn was extremely protective of Rey, looking on her as one would a little sister; and was very selective about who he would let take up her time.

After talking to Kylo some, and getting to see that he was interested in getting to know Rey in a respectable way, he backed off some; but still lingered in the background.

Her other best friend was Poe Dameron, whom Kylo had seen around quite often. Although the two had never hung out, or even really knew each other, Kylo knew a lot about him, both from his thoughts and from Rey.

He was an eclectic soul, involved in everything from band, to debate, to drama. He had one of those personalities that shot past plain old charisma and went straight to magnetism. And he was handsome, too, with tanned skin, soulful brown eyes, enviably wavy dark brown hair, and a smile that buckled the knees of both girls and boys alike.

Kylo thought time and time again that this boy would be a perfect match for Hux. They had a lot in common (including being a part of drama club and the school newspaper), and both seemed like they'd provide enough of an edge to the other, to make a relationship work.

Or at least, work long enough for Hux to forget about Kylo.

THAT had been difficult; explaining to Rey about Hux. He hadn't been intending to say anything, but Rey had picked up on it one day, as she sat in the cafeteria with her friends and watched Kylo and his friends from across the room.

"Who was that boy?", she had asked him later, heading out to Kylo's car as he had offered her a ride home. 

"What boy?"

"The redhead. The tallish one, the one that sits at your table at lunch."

"Oh," he had said, glancing nervously at her as they got into his car. "That's, um, that's Hux."

"His thoughts were all very focused on you. ALL of them. A bit exhausting, actually."

Kylo sighed, and mentally gave her the run down of his past with Hux, as well as the latter's struggle to get over the past and move on to the future.

Rey was quiet for awhile, thinking about what Kylo had told her. Eventually she said, softly,

"You were together for two years? That's impressive. I can't make anything last for two months."

"That can't be true. Didn't you tell me you've been friends with Finn for like, 10 years? Since you were 7 years old?"

She shrugged. "That's different. Friendship comes easy to me. The other stuff, not so much."

"I get that, kinda. Hux was my first real relationship, and I'm still shocked it lasted as long as it did. There were a lot of things wrong, with both of us, from the get-go."

~I always thought that putting two 'wrongs' together was supposed to make things RIGHT. Like, two negatives make a positive. Or is that the other way around?~

Beats the hell outta me. C'mon, you have class with me; you know I'm  
terrible at math.

They both laughed out loud at that. They had turned into Rey's street, and Kylo pulled up to the curb outside her house.

As she often did, she leaned over and gave him a warm hug, before bouncing out of the car and up her front steps. He watched until she had made it safely inside, then pulled away.

That conversation had been a few weeks ago, and she hadn't asked him anymore about Hux since. Kylo wanted to introduce the two of them, but was still hesitant, not knowing what Hux's reaction would be.

Even to them being 'just friends'.

He realized that Phasma was shaking him, and he snapped out of his daze long enough to realize that the assembly had ended, and everyone was flying out of their seats.

"Come on, you loser. God, you look like you're lost in the Twilight Zone or something."

"Sorry," he muttered, shaking his head as he gathered up his backpack. "Was thinking again."

"You're always thinking," she said, as they headed into the crowded hallway and began the long walk to Literature. "How 'bout you 'think' about buying me some M&M's from that vending machine? I'm dying of hunger here."

He grinned and shifted his backpack so that it was over his chest. He unzipped the front pocket and rooted around until he came across a familiar feeling package.

"Like these?", he asked, tossing it to her.

She grinned widely as she bit them open, pouring a handful into her mouth. "You know me SO well. If I didn't know any better, I'd say it's ALMOST like we're best friends."

He smiled, and pulled out a package of Peanut Butter Cups for himself, as they continued down the hall.


	3. Chapter 3

The sweat rolled slowly down the side of his face, and he had to stop and wipe it with the edge of his shirt several times, huffing in annoyance at himself.

It was Friday afternoon, and they had gotten out of school early due to a half-day. Kylo had asked Rey if she wanted to go to the local zoo with him, and she had happily accepted.

He had thought it would be a cool way to spend an afternoon, but he had been mistaken. What had started off as a mildly breezy day had turned into a white-hot scorcher by the time the 11am dismissal bell rang. The temperature had soared into the low 90's in those few short hours, unusual considering it was already early October.

Nevertheless, he was having fun with Rey. She oohed and aahed over the animals almost as loudly as the little kids, and he thought he would have to forcibly drag her from the exotic bird house, she had been so enraptured with them.

She was reluctant to enter the reptile and snake house, which is where Kylo really wanted to go, but eventually he coaxed her into it. She held onto his sleeve the whole time, as though afraid the creatures would burst out from behind the lit glass and attack them.

When they were back out in the hot sunshine, she took several deep breaths and rubbed her hands over her arms, as though feeling something crawling on her skin.

Kylo watched her do this, and said "So you're really afraid of things like that?"

"Not afraid, exactly. More like creeped out."

"Be thankful I didn't drag you into the arachnid house," he said with a smirk.

"Ugh!", she shuddered, as they walked along. "Sorry but there's no way I'd go in there. With my luck I'd be bitten by a radioactive spider and this would turn into freaking Spider Man."

"What?"

"Isn't that what happened to Peter Parker? Didn't he get bit by a radioactive spider?"

"Yeah, but what does that have to do with anything?"

"Didn't it happen at a zoo, or something like that?"

Kylo thought to himself a minute. "No, I think, uh, I think it was at one of those places with the plants. Like, exotic plants. Shit, I can see it in my head but I can't think of the word. It's a, um . . .", he paused, snapping his fingers together several times. 

" . . . a greenhouse?", Rey contributed with a smile.

"That's it! A greenhouse! Yeah, it was there." Now he looked over at Rey with a smirk. "What the fuck would radioactive spiders be doing at the ZOO, Ms. Marvel?"

Rey started to laugh. "I don't know! What would radioactive spiders be doing, ANYWHERE?"

"Good point."

~Anyway, yeah; my point is I don't need any more abilities. Although I do kind of envy Peter Parker; he at least knows WHY he is the way he is; why he has his powers. He wasn't just born with them, wasn't born a freak~

Kylo frowned. They were in front of the lion exhibit now, watching from behind the bars as several lions slept in the dusty-looking grass. One lion strolled around restlessly, twitching his tail back and coming quite close to the bars, much to the delight of the children present (and the apprehension of their parents).

I don't think we're freaks, he answered her back in his mind. Different, maybe, but not freaks.

She glanced at him and shrugged, as they moved on to the next exhibit.

Peacocks flapped wildly in the small enclosure, spreading their beautiful plumage to the sun, drawing awed gasps and many camera-clicks from the bystanders around them.

~Do you ever think, that there's, I don't know, more?~

What do you mean, more?

~My father used to say that one thing, is never THE thing. That there's always more. Something always leads to something else, always more wanting. If you can already read minds, for example, what's to stop you from learning OTHER things? Darker things, maybe?~

My grandfather tried that, actually. He believed what your father did, that there could be more. My mom told me he had developed his mind enough to not just hear thoughts, but to do other things. Physical things. Like, move objects without touching them. Influence the emotions of others, like causing them pain. Mom says he got too obsessed with it, too carried away. That 'more' wasn't enough for him. They didn't really get along, the last few years of his life. She said he had become 'evil'. She would rarely let me go see him, either, because she didn't want him 'corrupting' me.

He paused, then told her something he had never told anyone before.

I, uh, I tried experimenting myself, with 'more'. I'm not very good at it; I guess my mind isn't as strong as his was. But once I was able to move a book across my desk on its own, without touching it.

~Really? That's . . . I was going to say unbelievable, but that wouldn't make sense. I believe it. I guess, though, I think it's a little scary.~

Scary, how?

~Well, it's like you said about your grandpa, being able to make others feel pain. It's easy to say that that's something I'd never do, because right now I can't do it. But if I found that I could, then what would stop me from using it like that? Like, say if the other person made me angry, or had something I wanted. What would STOP me from using my 'power' to get what I wanted from them?~

Yourself. YOU would stop you. You've gotta believe that the YOU part of yourself is stronger than anything that might come at it, from inside or outside.

~I'm not sure it works like that. I feel like any ability like ours isn't just a 'gift', but kind of like a monster. We can try to hold it back, but once it gets a deep hold on us, that'll be it. There won't BE me anymore, or you. The monster will take over, and control us.~

Now she looked over at him, with a small smile.

~But maybe I overthink things. Or the heat is making me crazy. There's a snack shack up ahead; let's get some ice cream or something, huh?~

Kylo nodded and walked with her towards the brightly lit stand, his thoughts still mulling over what she had said.

\---

"Ben Solo?", called a voice from the inner office. "He's ready for you now."

Kylo got up wit a sigh and headed into the room.

He and several other students had been pulled from gym, to go to the office. The guidance counselor that was alphabetically assigned to Kylo and several others had quit last week, and now a new one had come to take her place. He was scheduling short "getting to know you" meetings with all of his new charges, and Kylo's turn finally came towards the end of the week.

He would rather have been pulled from History. Or Science. Gym was one of the few classes he actually LIKED.

A tall, skinny man sat at the desk. He was dressed in a dark grey suit, with black shoes and a dark grey tie. He was bald except for a few tufts of hair weaving around the sides of his head, and his face was heavily wrinkled, showing his clearly advanced age. The little gold nameplate on his desk read, simply, "Snoke".

Yet despite the age, he gave off a very strong, youthful aura. He stood up and shook Kylo's hand firmly, gesturing for him to take a seat.

He began by giving the little practiced speech that all guidance counselors give; talking about his degrees and qualifications, and lauding the whole "I'm here for anything you may want to talk about, be it having to do with home, school, family, or the like. My door is always open"-spiel.

After Kylo answered some basic questions about himself, Mr. Snoke read off his file. "Good grades, no history of behavioral problems. Hopefully this means I won't have to ever see you in here for disciplinary purposes."

Kylo nodded, wishing he could get up and go already. Snoke was nice enough, but still; something about him gave Kylo the creeps. He wasn't sure what it was. Maybe it was the quiet, gravelly voice. Maybe it was the way he was sitting perfectly still. Maybe it was the way he didn't seem to be blinking nearly as much as would be normal. Whatever it was made Kylo's skin chill, despite the warmth of the stuffy room.

Now Snoke read more from the paper.

"Parents: Han Solo and Leia Skywalker-Solo." He paused, seeming to do a double take as he looked at the sheet. "Leia . . . Skywalker? Well, this is a coincidence. I'm fairly certain that I was your mother's guidance counselor when she was in high school. She went to Tarkin High, correct?"

"Correct."

"Then I DID have her, when she went there. Fine young lady. Very smart. I assume you must be, too, if you're her son."

He shrugged. "I guess so."

"Yes, indeed; VERY smart young lady. So was her brother, if I recall. Very smart. Very . . . gifted."

His eyes were holding Kylo's in a way that made the latter feel intensely uncomfortable. Eventually he dropped his gaze, and Kylo was grateful, feeling as though he had just been released from a tight grip.

"It was a pleasure meeting you, Mr. Solo," Snoke said mildly, shuffling through the papers on his desk. "Do me a favor, please; on your way out, send the next student in."

Kylo nodded and got up, and walked out as fast as he could. When he got to the hallway outside, he gasped, and had to lean against the wall momentarily for support.

// I look forward to talking to you again, soon, Kylo Ren.//

He looked back through the window to the office, where he could see Snoke talking with the next student.

Did I imagine that?, he asked himself, feeling cold all over. I must have. There's . . . there's no way he just spoke inside my head. And even if he did . . . I never once told him that I call myself Kylo, and not Ben. How could he know that?

At the moment, the bell rang, and Kylo was grateful for the distraction it provided to his scrambled mind.

He hurried towards his locker, trying not to think about anything at all, when another one of those alien thoughts hit him. It was just one word, one single word floating to him as smoothly and slyly as a warm breeze on a spring day.

// Gifted. //


	4. Chapter 4

The fall dance approached, and Kylo and Rey were both going to be at it, with their individual groups of friends.

Kylo had really wanted to ask Rey, alone, to join him; but before he got the chance he was pulled into the his friends' consensus of going in a large group, rather than individual dates.

Apparently, Rey had the same experience with her friends.

The gym had been laboriously decorated for this event. Balloons were floating in every corner of the room, crepe streamers and banners hung across archways. A band was playing up on a little raised platform, a group of juniors, who were actually quite good.

There was a table with light snacks and drinks situated near the door, and this is where Kylo and his group of friends gravitated around, laughing and talking and stuffing their faces.

Hux was standing there with them, and he sauntered up to Kylo with a smile on his face.

"I've gotta say, you're looking good tonight, 'Lo," he said, eyeing him up and down. "That shirt looks really nice."

Kylo resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He was wearing a black button up shirt and black pants, with his black and white converse sneakers. He thought he looked about as plain and ordinary as possible; still, he didn't want to be rude to Hux.

"Thanks, man. You don't look so bad yourself."

And he didn't. Hux was wearing a dark blue button up shirt that complimented his eyes, black pants, and black shoes. Looking at him, Kylo could see the boy that he had fallen so hard in love with, what seemed like so long ago.

As if reading his mind, Hux held out his hand to Kylo. "How about you dance with me? Just one song?"

Kylo looked at Hux's hand, and hesitated. He didn't want to hurt Hux's feelings, but he didn't want to lead him on, either.

And again, that boy appeared.

The redhead with whom Kylo had shared so much happiness, and grief. His first real relationship. His first kiss.

His first love.

So he took Hux's hand and danced with him, for just one song, one song only.

One song that turned into two.

And then three.

As he danced with him, he realized for the first time that, for all he had lectured Hux on letting go, maybe HE was the one who needed help with the concept.

When the song ended, they were in a corner of the gym. Hux didn't release Kylo's hand. Instead, he leaned up and kissed his cheek, very softly.

"Thank you," he whispered, before finally letting go and walking back towards their friends. After a minute, Kylo sighed, and did the same.

Looking around the room now, Kylo could make out the little group of teacher chaperones that stood at the opposite end of the room, talking and carefully watching the dancers.

One of those chaperones was Mr. Snoke.

Kylo had not had any more encounters with him since that day when Snoke had spoken ((or maybe spoke; Kylo still wasn't positive that that wasn't just a hallucination)) into his mind.

He wasn't ready to acknowledge it yet.

So he looked away from Snoke and towards where Rey was dancing with Finn. 

As he watched, another boy came up and tapped Finn on the shoulder, asking if he could cut in with Rey. Kylo recognized him, a little. He was in the class that he and Rey shared, he sat towards the back of the room, near Kylo.

Kylo watched as the boy wrapped his arms around Rey's waist and swayed with her to the music. Unlike with Finn, whose intentions were purely friendly, this boy had other purposes in mind.

There was nothing innocent about the way he had his arms on Rey, nothing innocent about his glance as his eyes devoured her face, her hips, her way her white dress clung to her chest.

// That bothers you, doesn't it?//

Kylo snapped his eyes immediately back across the room, and found himself looking at Mr. Snoke. He was talking to the other chaperones but his gaze was trained firmly on Kylo.

Kylo bit his lip, scared, and refusing to answer back.

//You can fix what's bothering you, you know. It's easy.//

Still, Kylo didn't answer back. He tore his gaze away from Snoke and back to Rey. By now the boys hands had gravitated further down her waist, just barely above her behind.

How?, he thought to himself, hardly aware that he was thinking at all. How could I 'fix' it? Go over there and punch him?

//Use your mind//, the voice insisted into his head.

That's impossible, Kylo thought to himself, still refusing to directly answer the voice, answer Snoke, if that indeed who this was.

//You did it once, with the book, didn't you?//

Again, Kylo felt that cold feeling all over his body. How could Snoke KNOW that? Rather than ask him, or acknowledge his presence in his head, he turned back towards the table of food and forced himself to make normal conversation with Phasma.

"Are you alright?", she asked him after a while. "You look kind of sick."

"I'm fine."

She frowned, then reached out and out a hand on his forehead. "You look very sick," she repeated softly, moving her hand from his forehead to each of his cheeks. "You wanna get out of here?"

He gently reached out and pulled her hand away from his face. "No, silly, I'm FINE," he said, as normally as possible. He took a deep breath and forced a smile. "I just need to move around a little, is all. How 'bout a dance?"

"A dance?", she asked in amusement. The band had started to play a pretty, slow song, and several couples were already swaying with each other under the lights. "You know I can't really dance."

He smiled and grabbed at her hand, pulling her away from the food and out on to the floor. "Doesn't matter; you look too pretty to just stand in a corner all night."

She giggled and allowed herself to be led by him, as they moved in slow, slightly clumsy circles amongst the other couples.

She was chatting away about something or other, but he could barely concentrate, as his attention was on Rey again. She was still dancing with the boy. Even from across the room, Kylo could tell that he had cinched his arm even tighter around her waist during the song.

It bothered him.

It did more than bother him; it tinted his vision into a bright, scalding red. He kept his polite smile on his face for Phasma, but inside he was a teetering, reeling ball of rage.

//Hurt him.//

This time, instead of turning away from the voice, he listened to it . . . and answered it back.

How?

//Concentrate. Use the anger that you feel. Picture it as a moving, tangible force. Push it out towards the boy. The same way you moved the book, only stronger.//

A far-off part of Kylo's brain had time to wonder, to marvel over the clarity of the voice. He wanted to turn away from it, but he just couldn't. It sounded so . . . confident. So steady.

So . . . so right.

He did as the voice instructed as he continued to dance around with Phasma. At first it seemed nothing was happening, and he scrunched up his face in frustration.

And then, suddenly, he felt it.

He felt a hot, radiating energy go spiraling out from his center and towards the dancing couple. It was anger, and it was jealousy, pushed out, liquid and free.

As he continued to dance with Phasma, he watched, as the boy in question suddenly dropped his arms from Rey's waist and bent over, clutching at his side.

Even above the music he could hear Rey's startled cry of concern, as she crouched with him, frantically asking what was wrong.

By now the boy had toppled face-first onto the cold floor, howling in agony, still clutching his side.

Several students and teachers had rushed to his side, among them, Mr. Snoke.

"I think it may be appendicitis. His appendix may have ruptured," Snoke said, as another chaperone dialed 9-1-1. Snoke knelt and felt the boy's forehead, and spoke to him in a low, soothing voice.

He glanced up, and met Kylo's eyes from across the room.

And he smiled.

\---

The space of an hour found both Kylo and Rey's groups of friends leaving the dance, the fun atmosphere having gone out of the room since the boy, Charlie Dawson, as it turned out, was carted off by ambulance.

Everyone gathered at the cars, and Kylo walked up to Rey, soberly.

"Are you okay?" he asked her, concerned. She had been crying ever since the boy, Charlie, had collapsed on the floor. Her eyes were puffy and red-swollen, the wad of Kleenex in her hand soaked.

"Oh, Kylo! It happened so suddenly! One minute he was fine, and we were laughing, and the next he's laying on the floor!"

Kylo pulled her into his arms, holding her gently, carefully patting her hair. "It's alright, Rey. It's not your fault. It's nobody's fault."

But even as he said that, he felt a heavy twang of guilt.

It was somebody's fault.

That somebody was standing here under the parking lot lights holding a crying girl in his arms.

Finn came over and patted Rey on the back. "Hey, come on now, Rey, it's alright," he said soothingly. "Come on with us; a bunch of us are going out to eat. Come put something in your stomach; you'll feel better."

He glanced at Kylo and his friends, who were all standing by their cars, talking quietly. "You guys are welcome to come, too, of course."

Kylo looked down at Rey, who was looking back at him.

Do you want to go with them?

~No.~

He looked at Finn and said, "I think she's a little upset for that. If it's alright with you, I'll take her home."

Finn looked at him suspiciously, then down at Rey.

Kylo heard what he was thinking, and he was both glad, and insulted.

Glad that Rey had someone looking out for her interests, the way Finn was.

Insulted because he actually suspected that he'd DO something like that. Or TRY to, anyway.

"I promise, I'll see her home safely," he told Finn quietly, lacing his voice with as much sincere reassurance as he could. 

Rey looked up at Finn, and gave him a barely perceptible nod, to indicate that it was all right. Finn sighed a little, and the tense set of his shoulders relaxed a a bit.

"Okay. Goodnight, Rey," he said softly, hugging his best friend to him and kissing her cheek. "I want you to text me later, so that I know you're feeling better."

"I will," she said, squeezing Finn tightly. "Love you."

"Love you, too."

He and his friends got into their cars and took off.

Kylo turned towards Phasma. "You want to come with us, wherever we're going?", he asked her sunnily, hoping against hope that she'd somehow intuit that he really wanted to be alone with Rey, and decline his offer.

She did.

She smiled and said "No, thanks. I'm gonna take my ass home and to bed."

"Well, come on, at least let me give you a ride."

She smiled again. "Hux is taking me home, but thanks."

Kylo's eyes met Hux's from where he stood several cars away, by his drivers side door. Hux was looking at him, and at Rey, with a look that Kylo hadn't known him capable of. It was shooting, galloping agony. Pain so strong and so deep that Hux looked as if he had aged several decades, just standing there under the lights.

Kylo timidly raised his hand, and waved a little, slightly, saying goodbye. Hux's expression didn't change, his eyes burning holes through Kylo, making him feel rooted to the spot. It only lasted a few seconds, before Hux turned and got into his car, but it seemed as though it had lasted longer.

Much longer.

Phasma gave Kylo a quick hug, and hurried off to join Hux in his car. As Kylo and Rey watched, Hux pulled out of the spot at blinding speed, and peeled out into the night.

In the silence of his wake, Rey turned to Kylo and said, quietly,

"So where do you want to go?"

"I think maybe Finn was right, about getting food in you. Do you want to go get some Mcdonalds or something, and go back to my house? We can watch movies or play video games, your choice."

She smiled widely. "That sounds wonderful. You got any of the old school games? Like Mario?"

"I do, actually," he said as they got into the car. "Also Donkey Kong, Zelda . . ."

"God! What are we waiting for! Let's go!" she said excitedly, buckling her seatbelt.

"Oh, before I forget, there's something I meant to tell you earlier."

"Oh? What is it?"

"You look REALLY beautiful tonight," he said, slowly emphasizing each word, for effect.

She blushed and looked down at her hands.

~Thank you~

Kylo nodded, as he pulled out of the spot and prepared to leave.

Glancing back towards the school, he felt no surprise at all to see that Mr. Snoke was standing in the doorway to the gym, leaning against the frame with his arms folded, watching as Kylo and Rey took off into the night.

Watching.

And smiling.


	5. Chapter 5

"You know mom thinks you should just scrap the whole thing, take the money and put it towards a new car."

Han looked at his son sourly. "Scrap it? Are you kidding? You don't just scrap something that can be fixed, Kylo."

Han disappeared back underneath the car, and Kylo sighed wearily to himself.

It was Saturday afternoon, and, as usual, Kylo's father was cursing and swearing underneath his old beater of a car, trying to fix the latest thing that had malfunctioned. It was freezing out, it being mid November, but Han didn't seem to notice.

It was a rather scruffy-looking white and silver-gray Mercury Cougar. Rust lined the axles and paint chipped in flakes down the sides of the once magnificent car. Despite it being a Cougar, his father had always stubbornly referred to it as "The Falcon", which he wouldn't explain the reasoning behind to anyone, not even his wife.

When Kylo had been younger, and the car had been in better shape, Han had taken his son for joyrides all across the city. They would laugh, talk, listen to the crackly radio, and eat, usually from the fast food places that his mother didn't approve of.

Once, in a fit of lunacy, he had let ten year old Kylo get behind the wheel and drive them around a few blocks, laughing at the looks of shock and horror that came from the faces of the pedestrians and fellow drivers, watching the ten year old boy who could just barely see over the steering wheel speed around the streets.

His father and Kylo BOTH had been in the doghouse for quite some time, after that, once his mother had caught word of their escapades from several frantic neighbors.

But those days seemed so long ago that they had taken on an almost dreamlike quality in Kylo's mind.

Eventually Han pulled himself back out from under the car with a groan. Kylo handed him a towel, silently, for his sweaty and dirt-streaked face.

"I give up. I'll just work on it some more tomorrow."

Kylo nodded. He watched as his dad stood looking in frustration at the car, and a question suddenly popped into his mind.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Hm?"

"Why do you call me Kylo?"

Before Han could answer, Kylo rushed on.

"It's just . . . mom doesn't. Uncle Luke doesn't. My teachers don't. But you do. I always wondered, why?"

Han smiled at him, and out a hand on his shoulder.

"Because it's what you call yourself."

"That's it?", Kylo asked him skeptically.

"That's it."

"But . . ."

"It's more important, than people realize, to have your own identity," Han interrupted him, absently wiping his hands with the towel. "The name you chose is like that; your identify. Whether I agree with it, or like it, isn't really important. What matters is that I respect it, which I do, kid."

Kylo was quiet, thinking over his dad's words.

"Then how come mom doesn't respect it, too?"

Han sighed. "Your mother, well, she looks at things differently. You were born, and she named you Ben. To her, no matter what, you'll always BE her Ben."

"What if I don't want to be Ben? What if I want to be someone else, someone different?"

"Then DO it, son. Be whoever and whatever you want. Whoever you choose, make sure he's a person that you can live with, and be proud of. But no matter what, always remember one thing."

"What's that?"

"Whether you're Ben Solo, or Kylo Ren, or Aladdin Prince of Thieves; your dad will always love you."

Kylo gave his dad a hard hug, coughing against the tears that wanted to come out.

When they pulled apart, Kylo could see that Han was struggling against the same thing.

"Well," said Han, somewhat gruffly. "Maybe that's enough 'feelings' for today. What do you say we go do something manly, like watch the game and have a beer?"

"You DO realize I'm only 17, right?", Kylo asked his dad with a grin.

"Welllll, how about we make a deal on that, son? I won't tell you had a beer, if you won't tell that I couldn't get this thing fixed today. Your mother'd eat me alive over both."

"Okay. Deal."

And so the two turned away from the old car and walked, side by side, back into the warm house.

\---

Monday, at school, Kylo got quite a shock, and from an unexpected source.

He had been rounding the corner, on his way to his locker. He had expected to see Hux there, as they always met at Kylo's locker around this time of day, to walk to History together.

Hux had been there, all right.

But he hadn't been alone.

Kylo's mouth opened in surprise as he saw Poe Dameron, Rey's other best friend, with his arm slung around Hux's waist. Hux was leaning into him, laughing.

He looked up as Kylo silently approached, and said, brightly,

"Kylo, this is Poe. He's in drama club with me. Poe, this is my friend, Kylo Ren."

Kylo reached out to shake the boy's hand, wincing a little as he noticed the cold, curt emphasis Hux gave to the word 'friend'.

The three turned and walked along the hallways, both Hux and Poe chatting about different things, Kylo just nodding but remaining silent.

When they got to history, Poe released Hux's waist, and gave him a quick peck on the cheek, before continuing on his way.

Seeing that sent a strong, painful feeling into Kylo's gut. He turned to Hux, maybe to say something, but no words would come out.

Hux himself didn't comment on Poe, or what had just went on between them. He merely smirked at Kylo and strolled into the class, taking his usual seat near the front of the room.

He was humming.

As Kylo took his normal seat towards the back windows, he tried to calm the mess in his head.

What's the matter with you, anyway? he asked himself angrily. You've been saying for months that you hoped those two would get together, and it looks like they have. And you're, what, mad about it?

Not mad; jealous.

The word was jealous.

He had wanted to rip Dameron's arm off at the elbow, snap the bones like toothpicks and beat the boy unconscious with it. The feeling was still there, rising up stronger and stronger, and it wouldn't go away.

Kylo stared down blankly at the worksheet they had been given, looking at it but seeing Dameron's smug, smiling face. And that arm.

You know, you have Rey. Well, she's not your girlfriend, but she's close to it. The point is, you like her quite a bit. And she's the one in your life, not Hux. You can't have both.

//Why not? Why can't you have both? Why can't you have everything you want?//

Because it's selfish, and it's wrong, Kylo answered back immediately, without even thinking about it.

There was silence; and then the voice was back, smooth, confident.

//But who's to say what's right, and wrong, dear boy? Aren't they just two sides of the same coin? If it's in your power to reach out and grasp the things you want, DO IT.//

At what cost? Isn't this what the Kings of ancient times did; kept slaves and concubines around for their own greedy purposes? Hux and I aren't together anymore. Even if I'm jealous, what gives me the right to stand in the way of his happiness with someone else?

Silence.

This time lasting.

He sighed and began filling in the worksheet, listening to the quiet murmur of the other students and glancing up occasionally out the windows.

It had started to snow, light flakes whizzing cheerfully past the windows.

Kylo rested his cheek on his palm, staring out at it.

The weather forecast had said that, by the end of the week, they would receive almost a foot of snow. Kylo hoped that it would happen on a school day, so that perhaps they could get a snow day.

I'd love to take Rey sledding, he thought, smiling. He could clearly picture the two of them gliding down the steep hills of the park on his old silver sled, their faces red with cold, their bodies warm from laughing.

//Or Poe Dameron taking Hux sledding. Tumbling all over each other in the snow. Laughing. Talking. Kissing.//

Kylo gripped his pencil so hard in his hand that it snapped in half, making those closest to him look at him in curiosity. He silently drew another pencil from his backpack. 

Then he gritted his teeth and looked away from the windows, focusing grimly back on his school work.

\---

~What's wrong?~

Nothing.

~Bullshit. There is too something. Your brain is jumping all over the place; it's making me dizzy.~

He sighed and put his head down on Rey's little desk.

It was Wednesday, after school, and Kylo was at Rey's house. The geometry teacher had given out an optional extra credit work packet after the last major test put nearly everyone's grades in a nosedive, and Kylo was one of the people who eagerly jumped at the chance to raise his grade.

Rey didn't need the extra credit, as her grade was at a comfortable B+; but she agreed to help Kylo with his work anyway.

But Kylo had so much on his mind that he found it hard to concentrate. Snoke, Hux being with Poe Dameron, his parents, school, and, of course, the girl who was sitting across from him.

Rey.

His feelings for her were strong, but confusing. They pulled his mind in every possible direction until he felt all but exhausted with them.

Sometimes he saw himself as her friend.

Sometimes he pictured himself as her lover.

But no matter how he reached out and thought of things between them, the point was, she was ALWAYS in the picture.

He wanted, quite badly, to tell her about Snoke, and how he had been projecting thoughts and ideas into his brain; but he was scared to.

He didn't want her finding out about how he had hurt the boy she had been dancing with at the fall dance.

He didn't want her to know how hard he was struggling not to do that same thing to Poe Dameron. 

He didn't want her to know the awful, confusing feelings he was having in regards to Hux.

Or, for that matter, in regards to his own troubling, changing mindset.

So he tried to keep his mind carefully blank around her, so that she wouldn't pick up on any of this. At the most his mind would let out disjointed, fragmented bits of words and feelings, but nothing solid that would give away his deeper thoughts.

"Huh?", he asked out loud, realizing she had just asked him a question.

"I said, do you want to lay down, or something? You look sick."

He shrugged. "I'm fine."

She sighed in exasperation, and pulled her chair directly in front of his.

"So stubborn," she said. She reached out and pulled his head against her chest, her fingers going to his hair.

"What are you doing?", he asked, startled.

"My mom does this for me when I don't feel good. It's soothing. Let me soothe you."

So he did.

She held him gently against her, stroking her fingers gently through his hair, humming softly. Pressed so close against her, he could hear her heartbeat, smooth and even, sounding like a song in itself.

He looked up at her, her face, and something in her expression made his heart thrum unevenly in his chest.

She was looking at him with such kindness, such tenderness.

Such . . . such love.

Wait, love?

He looked again, to be sure; and it was still there. A soft, sweet love coming from her eyes and radiating out towards him, warm and pure and wonderful.

Under that gaze, all the things he had been worrying about fell away, leaving his mind mercifully quiet, and at peace.

Rey. I'm scared to say this out loud, because out loud would be acknowledging it, and that terrifies me. But . . . what would you do, if I kissed you?

She was quiet for so long that Kylo wondered if she had even heard him. He was about to repeat his question when, quietly, she answered,

~Do it, and find out.~

Heart thudding, he leaned up, and pressed his lips softly into hers. She let out a small sigh of pleasure and kissed him back, a bit harder than he had kissed her, cupping his face with her small hands. They continued like that, exploring each other's sweet taste, until they had to stop, breathless.

So. A formality. Will you be my girlfriend?

~I will, IF you say it out-loud. Speak it into existence, Kylo.~

He grinned, then said, loudly to her empty room,

"You gonna be my girl, or what?"

She laughed, and put her arms around his shoulders, kissing him again.

And again.

And again.

"Is that a yes?", he asked, pulling away with a smirk.

"What do YOU think?", she asked, as she tackled him back into the wall with her lips.


	6. Chapter 6

Ms. Thibolt, Kylo's gym teacher, had a family emergency that required her to be out of state for a couple of weeks. As a result, Kylo's gym class was taken over by the other instructor, Coach Thomas.

Thomas' class had started their swim unit last week, and although Kylo's class had moved on to basketball, Coach decided it would just be easier to keep everyone in the pool, much to the delight of Kylo's class.

Coach Thomas' class also happened to have Hux in it. And Poe.

Each class, about an hour long, began with some basic swimming instructions and exercises, which ran up about 20 minutes of the period. Then the students were given free reign to do what they wanted. 

Some swam races with each other, some practiced diving, some played water volleyball, and still others hung around the outside of the pool, talking quietly amongst themselves.

At first, watching Hux and Poe wasn't so bad. The two of them weren't very demonstrative (at least not while in class), so it wasn't like Kylo had to watch them make out for 40 minutes a day.

But it was the little things.

The tiny, insignificant things . . . that were driving Kylo absolutely insane.

The way they talked together, whispering to each other over the shrill laughs and noise of those in the pool.

The way they laughed as they swam races against each other.

The way Poe always seemed to be touching Hux, in some small way.

His hand on the back of Hux's neck, or lightly touching his arm. The little pecks on the cheek he gave Hux when they thought no one was looking.

. . . insane.

One day, near the end of class, Kylo watched as Poe swam out into the deepest area of the pool, moving expertly along with his long legs.

Kylo glanced over at where Hux was watching Poe, sitting on the edge of the shallow end of the pool. He noticed the loving adoration that Hux seemed to have for Poe, and how happy he seemed.

Happy.

So be happy with him, Kylo chanted in his head. He's finally over you; he's finally treating like you a friend, which is what you wanted all these months, right?

//But it still hurts, doesn't it?//

Kylo closed his eyes against the intruder voice. 

Of course it hurts. But it's just something I'll have to get over. I have Rey. And I love her.

//But IT. STILL. HURTS. Doesn't it?//

Kylo lowered himself into the water, trying desperately to quell the hot flash of anger that was spreading through his body.

It didn't help that he could now look directly across the pool at Poe--and see the little kiss that he blew to Hux.

Seeing that snapped the last remnants of Kylo's control.

To the left of Poe, about 200 yards away, a small group of kids were playing water volleyball around a floatable net. One of the boys had the ball perched in his hand, about to make a serve.

Kylo concentrated as hard as he could, focusing on the ball. As the boy smacked his other hand to it, instead of going over the net, the ball travelled in a blindingly fast and deadly accurate sideways spiral directly at Poe's head. 

Poe saw it coming, but not in enough time to duck.

The hard ball hit him directly in his temple, and Poe's entire body jerked, as though he had been briefly electrocuted. Then he fainted gracefully head-first into the deep water, beginning to sink.

Hux saw this and screamed, as did several members of the classes when they realized what had happened. 

The coach dove into the water and pulled the unconscious boy out, before he had sunk too deeply. He rushed him over to edge of the pool and quickly began CPR, while Hux scrambled across the slippery floor to his side.

They managed to get him breathing, but barely coherent.

An ambulance was called, and Poe was taken away. Hux had tried to go with him but was rejected, on the basis of not being a member of Poe's family, and a minor.

Hux came over to where Kylo calmly stood, his arms folded, watching the scene unfold. He could just barely keep the smile that wanted to break out from slipping over his face.

Hux was, of course, hysterical by then, shaking and sobbing and raving. Kylo quietly told the coach that he was going to get Hux out of there and take him home early. The coach, still being in a shellshocked daze, agreed.

Kylo accompanied Hux to the locker room and both got dressed quickly, and gathered up their things. 

On the way to the parking lot, Kylo kept his hand steadily under Hux's elbow, guiding him, as the latter seemed shaky on his feet.

When they got to Kylo's car, he looked over at Hux and sighed.

"It'll be okay, Hux. Once we get you home . . ."

"No. Take me to the hospital."

"What?"

"Please, take me to the hospital."

"Hux, you heard what they told you back at school. They won't let you in because you're a minor, and not related."

"Yeah, but his mother could permit me in. I just texted her; she's at the hospital now."

"Are you sure she'll let you in, to see him?"

Hux nodded. "She will. She likes me."

So did my mother, Kylo thought to himself. Probably still does.

"I just . . . I hope he's okay. That he doesn't have any permanent or serious damage, or anything.

"He'll be okay, Hux, really. He just got the air knocked out of him, that's all."

"Are you sure?", Hux asked, turning toward Kylo with his large blue eyes eating up half his face.

"I am."

Hux seemed to relax after that, and leaned back into his seat. He gave a shuddery sigh and wiped his sleeve across his still-damp face.

The ride to the hospital was mostly silent, punctuated only by the faint sound of the radio in the background.

Kylo pulled up to the entrance, and hesitated.

"Do you . . . want me to come in with you?"

At that moment, a plump blonde woman from inside the lobby saw Hux, and waved at him. Hux waved back.

"No, it's okay; that's his mom right there. She'll get me in to see him."

Kylo nodded mildly, and watched as Hux got out of the car. Hux stopped, turned back around, leaned in and gave Kylo a very tight hug.

"Thanks," he whispered, before turning and walking away into the revolving glass doors.

Kylo sat there thinking so long that it wasn't until another car impatiently beeped behind him that he was able to pull away.

You should be ashamed of yourself, he told himself on the way back to school, for Rey. What's happened to you? How could you do something like that to Poe? And Hux?

// You SHOULD be ashamed, all right. Ashamed that you didn't kill him.//

The thought was so awful, so horrible that Kylo nearly plowed his car into a tree. He took a deep breath to calm his nerves, then subsequently turned up the radio as loudly as he could, to prevent himself from hearing anything further.

Pulling back into the parking lot was pandemonium, as several groups of cars and busses were all there to pick up leaving students. Kylo spotted Rey sitting next to Finn on the front steps and waved her over.

She hugged Finn goodbye and raced toward the car, her face alit with worry and nerves.

"Did you hear? Everyone's talking about it! My friend Poe got hurt during swim class; they had to take him away in an ambulance."

"I know. I was there."

"What?!"

He gave her a brief explanation about how he had come to be in the same gym class as Poe and Hux, and what had happened, and how he had taken Hux over to the hospital.

"That's awful," she said when he was through, shaking her head. "I wonder how long they'll have him in for? If it's longer than a few days, I know Finn'll want us to go visit."

Kylo nodded, keeping his eyes on the road.

He reached over and grabbed Rey's hand, giving it a squeeze. She squeezed back.

~That must have been traumatic for you to see~, she thought towards him.

He shrugged. Why do you say that?

~Because you don't look so good. Kind of sick, actually.~

He came within a hair of telling her everything right then.

The Snoke-voice in his mind that never seemed to go away.

The way he had hurt that boy, who had been dancing with Rey.

His inexplicable jealousy over Hux, and now, how he had very nearly killed Poe with that anger.

And the shielding.

He had met with Snoke several times within the past few weeks, under the guise of needing advice.

He still didn't know much about Snoke, and was unwilling to ask. But he recognized that he was too far in this thing to back out, and had already done too much to turn back.

Snoke told him that his anger, his abilities were all indicative of an extraordinarily talented individual, and it would be a shame to try and suppress those gifts.

Then help me, he had thought, head bowed. If I can't control myself, at least help me to protect Rey. I don't want her to know the things I've done. She'd leave me. I can't have that. I couldn't take it. But I'm afraid one day my mind will slip, and she'll hear everything I've been trying to hide.

//Learn to shield your mind, Kylo Ren. So that she CAN'T hear anything except what you want her to hear.//

How?

So Snoke taught him how to shield, bit by bit, until eventually all but his most basic surface thoughts were accessible to Rey.

If she suspected anything, she never let on, and for that Kylo was truly grateful.

He only wished there was some way to block out Snoke.

Part of it was strength.

Snoke was mentally stronger than him, and therefore Kylo's attempts at shielding against him were very feeble, and unsuccessful.

But another part, the biggest part, was Kylo himself.

Some deep part of him didn't want to block out the things Snoke said or suggested, no matter how wrong, or awful they sounded.

It was as if Snoke picked out the deepest, darkest desires from Kylo's very soul, and brought these rushing to the forefront of the boy's mind. And hearing these things was a release, in a way.

He pushed all this from the back of his mind, now, as Rey was talking to him, asking him to take her to the store so she could get a get-well card for Poe.

You have a really beautiful heart, you know that?

She smiled, leaning over to kiss him.

~So do you.~

He grabbed her hand and squeezed it again, this time refusing to let it go.

A good heart?

He wished he could believe that.


	7. Chapter 7

Kylo walked down the hallway towards his locker, as always shuddering when Snoke's Office at the far end of the hall came into view.

As he put his books into his locker and slammed it shut, a slight movement from that office caught his eye.

Rey.

She was coming out of Snoke's office with a smile on her face. He had walked her to the door and stood there, smiling down on her in that almost-fatherly way he had. He put his arm on her shoulder, and said something. Kylo couldn't hear what it was from here, but whatever it was made her smile even wider.

She spotted Kylo where he stood at his locker, and, after bidding Snoke goodbye, walked quickly over to him.

Snoke stood in his door and watched her go. His eyes fell on Kylo, and he nodded at him, before turning and walking back into his office, shutting the door.

"Hi, Kylo!", Rey said, bouncing up to him. 

"What were you doing in there, in Snoke's office?!", he demanded, his eyes blazing out at her.

She took an uneasy step backwards from him, apprehensive to his sudden, inexplicable anger.

"I . . . I was dropping my sign up forms off into Mr. Snoke's office. He's been made staff supervisor of Photography club this semester, and I thought I'd join. Hey, you should sign up, too! It'll be fu--"

"You're not joining that club."

Her eyes widened in disbelief. For a moment she wasn't sure what to say, and then she burst out, angrily,

"What do you mean, I'm not joining the club? Why not? What gives you the right to . . ."

His hand shot out unexpectedly, gripping her small wrist tight enough to hurt. He took it and whipped her around, inadvertently slamming her, hard, into the lockers.

"I don't want you to joining. I don't want you having ANYTHING to do with Snoke. Do you understand me?!"

He was still gripping her wrist, holding her against the lockers. She had stopped trying to get out of his grasp and now she just stood there, the first inklings of true fear filling her heart.

By now a small group of students had been watching the scene, whispering among themselves, debating whether to try and break up the arguing couple.

"Kylo . . . you're hurting me. Please, let go."

Kylo stopped and looked around, for the first time noticing the presence of the other kids in the hallway. He saw their looks of concern for Rey.

Then he looked down at Rey herself. At the angry dark red circle of skin around where he was holding her wrist. The frenzied way her chest was moving up and down.

And her face.

The raw fear, at never having seen Kylo get so angry before; much less angry at HER.

The confusion.

And worst of all, the concern. 

The concern that something was wrong with him, something that he needed her help with.

Yes.

Standing there with her wrist aching and her back hurting from her impromptu jolt into the lockers, SHE was trying to figure out how to help HIM.

He let go of her wrist and backed away slightly. Then he noticed that a few strands of hair had come loose from her bun and were messily straggled on the side of her face. He lifted his other to smooth them back . . .

. . . and she flinched away from him, both of her hands going instinctively in front of her face, a tiny whimper escaping her lips.

And even then, her thoughts were full of concern not for herself, but for him. For Kylo, and how badly he would feel with himself if he had reached out and hit her, like she had been afraid he was going to do.

"I'm sorry, Rey," he whispered, before turning and fleeing down the hallway.

\---

He sat inside his car, head resting in the steering wheel, trying to make some sense out of the mess his life had become.

He had ditched out of his last few classes to come and sit quietly in the parking lot, to worry, to reflect.

To try and think of some way to apologize to Rey.

Out of no where, his car door flew open, and a pair of strong hands were yanking him out of his seat and to the pavement outside, just as easily as if Kylo were a rag doll.

He looked up in wonder, but no real surprise, into the furious eyes of the boy who stood panting above him.

Finn.

Apparently word had filtered through the hallways about Kylo's little display with Rey against the lockers, and once Finn had heard it, he had torn a mighty swath through the school, looking for Kylo.

"You son of a BITCH!", he roared, and punched him squarely in the face. "You think I wouldn't hear about it? You think I wouldn't come after you?!"

Kylo sat up sluggishly, blood trickling in a little stream from his mouth. Already he could feel that side of his face beginning to swell.

"It's not what you think," he said quietly, half-heartedly defending himself. "I didn't hit her. I just grabbed her wrist, that's all."

"'That's all?'", Finn repeated in disgust, as if he couldn't believe it. "And I suppose you didn't also slam her against the lockers hard enough to hurt her back? She's at the nurse right now because she's in so much pain she couldn't sit up straight in class!"

Kylo's mouth opened in horror. He had honestly had no idea that he had been that rough with her. At the time, it didn't feel like it.

"I didn't mean to," he told Finn, getting unsteadily to his feet. "I swear to God, Finn, I didn't think I grabbed her THAT hard, and the locker thing just happened. I didn't plan that, I didn't mean it. It just happened."

His words only seemed to make Finn angrier, and the boy swung a roundhouse and knocked Kylo flat on his back, again. This time, he could feel his right eye singing out with pain, already starting to close shut.

"Let me tell you something, you bastard," Finn said in a low voice, crouching over him. "If you ever come near her again, for any reason at all; if you so much as LOOK in her general direction; I'll fucking kill you. Do you understand me?"

Kylo nodded.

Finn gave him one last present, a hard-booted kick in Kylo's side, before he walked back off into the school.

Kylo sat up and watched him go, leaning heavily against his car for support.

Of course, right when he was at his most vulnerable, here came The Voice, just as calm and confident as ever.

//He walks awfully slowly, doesn't he? Would be easy for one of these cars to accidentally roll over him, wouldn't it?//

Kylo managed to crawl into the drivers seat, and start the car.

//LOTS of bad things can happen, in a parking lot, if you really think about it.//

"Shut UP!", he screamed out-loud, wincing as the yell tore another stream of blood from his mouth. He spit it out into his shirt and shook his head, to try and clear it.

//It's hurtful, a little, that you wouldn't want your girlfriend to join my innocent little after school club. I'm not going to bite her, you know. I'd just like to get to know her, the way I've gotten to know you. She seems smart. And . . . gifted.//

Kylo moaned, whether from the pain or from Snoke's words, he wasn't sure.

Why can't you leave her alone?, he thought helplessly. You've already got ME; why not just leave her the hell alone?

//I told you once before, Kylo Ren, that it's a great shame for gifted people not to fully realize the extent of their abilities. You should thank me; I nurtured your talent, didn't I? Why wouldn't you want the same thing for Rey? You love her, don't you?//

He began to drive home, when a sudden thought hit him.

A slim, shiny beacon of hope through all the darkness.

He slammed on the breaks in the middle of the street, then made an illegal u-turn and sped in the opposite direction, earning him the honks and curses of his fellow drivers.

There was one person, and only one person, who MAY be able to help him, in all this.

At a stoplight, he scrambled his cellphone out of his pocket and flipped through his contacts, until he found the right number. It wasn't easy; Finn's punches had left him with a hell of a blurred, double-vision.

He dialed and waited anxiously.

The phone was answered on the 4th ring.

"Uncle Luke? It's me, Ben. Are you home? Good. I'm coming over to see you."


	8. Chapter 8

"I thought people only did this in movies."

"Maybe, but it actually works. Now lay back, and hold it there."

Kylo sighed and laid back, pressing the raw steak gingerly against his eye. Luke insisted that it would make the swelling lessen, although right now, it was just unpleasantly slimy.

Luke leaned against the window, looking down at his nephew sprawled on his couch.

"So do you want to tell me why you're fighting at school?", he asked him softly, folding his arms across his chest.

"Uncle, I have a lot to tell you. But I'm scared that you won't believe me."

(((Won't believe you?))), his uncle thought into his head. (((Ben, when your entire family can do THIS))), he said, tapping his forehead, (((There's not a whole lot that you 'don't believe', anymore. Now spill.)))

So Kylo spilled.

About everything.

The Voice, the anger. The helpless feeling. 

The way he had hurt people, both physically and emotionally.

Rey.

Hux.

His own terrifying, changing mind.

His uncle was quiet after he finished, running his fingers slowly over his temples. 

"Snoke," he muttered, shaking his head. "I can't believe he's back. What's it been, almost 20 years? And he didn't learn his lesson, even after--"

He stopped, and looked down on his curious nephew.

"You know, things, or people, only have as much power over us as we give them. Things can only truly 'get' to you, if you let them in."

"But once something is inside, how do you get it back out? And don't say 'just ignore it', because I've tried that; it doesn't work."

Luke was quiet, staring thoughtfully out his window. When he turned back around, there was a cold, set look in his eyes that Kylo couldn't recall ever having seen before. It was scary, and very out of place, on his uncle's normally carefree face.

"Snoke. He was pretty aggressive with your mother, too, if I remember right. It got to the point where he was speaking in her head almost constantly, driving her crazy."

Kylo nodded. He knew exactly how that felt.

"He tried to get into my head, too, but I wouldn't let him. It would have gone on like that for Leia, though, if . . . "

"If, what?"

Luke smiled ruefully and ran his fingers through his hair. 

"If our father hadn't gotten involved."

"Grandpa?"

Luke nodded.

"Leia didn't want to tell him what was happening. She was scared of what dad might do, to retaliate. We--we had both seen the way he had been experimenting with moving objects, and projecting feelings. She was terrified he wouldn't be able to control his anger; that he would end up killing Snoke, instead of just driving him away."

"So what happened?"

Luke was quiet for a long time, his back to Kylo, still staring out the window. Kylo thought about repeating his question, but decided to wait it out.

When Luke turned around to face him, his eyes had taken on a haunted, haggard look that made Kylo flinch back from him, slightly.

"I told dad. Looking back, I realize maybe this hadn't been the right thing to do. I'd have seen that dad had been looking for an excuse such as this one, a chance to flex the dark things he had been practicing in secret. His concern for Leia outweighed that desire, yes, but only by the tiniest bit."

"Dad found out where he lived, and one night, he took me with him, to 'visit'."

"It started off innocently enough, I suppose. My father was calm, calm even as he accused Snoke of tormenting Leia's mind, which of course Snoke denied, and who wouldn't? It sounded absurd, after all."

"And then, suddenly, dad --changed. I don't know how to describe it any better. He just--changed. His thoughts weren't precisely thoughts anymore, more like a loud, continuous shouting of feelings. Only it was just one feeling: anger."

"Ben, I'd never seen anything like it. It made all the stuff dad had been doing, moving around books and pebbles, look like child's play. I stood there and watched, and Snoke was slammed around and around the room, from ceiling to floor, into the edges of the table, just, everywhere. And fast! It was so fast that I could hardly follow him with my eyes."

He paused, and took a long swallow out of the water glass sitting on the table.

"You know how, in dreams, no matter how fast they're moving, sometimes little things will stick out at you? Little details that your brain picks out, before you can fully process what you're seeing?"

Kylo nodded.

"Well, as he was flying around the room, I saw something. I saw his hands go to his ears, and his eyes squinted shut. But . . . but he wasn't doing that because he was afraid, or trying to shield his body from the blows. It was because he was hearing things in his MIND. Things that my dad was putting there, projecting there, on top of the physical torture."

"I looked over at my dad, and the look on his face--Ben, it was like my father was gone. Like I was standing in that room with a stranger. He was soaking in Snoke's screams of pain, soaking them in the way people soak up the sun. And the more pain Snoke felt, the stronger my dad's attack became."

"It took me a long time to break through to him, to get him to stop. By that time Snoke's living room was completely destroyed--and Snoke was close to it. My dad dropped him mid-air and he crumpled over on top of the shredded glass of his coffee table. His hands were cut up and blood was soaking his clothes."

"Dad walked over to him and crouched over. He didn't say anything out loud, but he must have been putting another thought into Snoke's mind, because Snoke howled and put his hands to his ears again. Then he turned around, took me by the arm, and we left."

"The--the next day, Snoke was gone. The house had been abandoned, and he didn't show up at school again. I think--I think maybe the final thing my dad thought to him was that if he didn't leave, he would kill him."

Kylo realized that he had been holding his breath, and he let it out in a low, shaky hiss. 

"You know, Leia, she knew what had happened. I never told her with my mouth, but she picked it out of my thoughts just the same. She was horrified, that dad could do those things. After that, the two of them weren't really that close, all the way up until he died. It probably wouldn't have been so bad, except--"

"Except Snoke wasn't the only victim. He was just the first," Kylo finished for him, putting together the pieces of the puzzle he had been receiving fragments of since childhood, about his grandpa.

Luke nodded. "That's right. He wasn't. Once grandpa realized how strong he could be, well, he got addicted to it. People in his life would mysteriously start getting hurt. A cashier who gave him the wrong change. The mailman, for being late with a package he had ordered. His boss at work, when he didn't put dad up for a promotion. Lots of people, lots of little 'incidents'."

Kylo closed his eyes against the confusing wave of emotions he felt.

He had loved his grandpa, had idolized him, in fact. He was always so strong, so smooth, so confident.

He had no idea that grandpa had been capable of the things Luke was telling him now, or the disjointed bits and pieces of information his mother had reluctantly doled out to him, over the years.

It was confusing, because, at least in the case of Kylo's mother, grandpas actions had seemed completely justifiable.

Right and wrong are two sides of the same coin, Snoke had said.

Right and wrong are two very separate entities, and it should always be clear which is which, his mother always said.

Who was correct?

"If you're feeling better, lets move this party to the kitchen," Luke said, leaning away from the window. "I do a lot better thinking when I have some food in me."

Kylo sat up and stretched, taking the meat off of his eye.

"Wait, uncle; before we talk about that, what do I DO about Rey? And Hux? How do I know--"

"That's fairly easy," Luke said absently, as he wandered back into his kitchen. Over his shoulder he called,

"Picture this. You're alone in a dark room. You're scared. There's something lurking in the corner, waiting to eat you alive. Suddenly, a door opens right in front of you. A hand is held out, to pull you out of the dark and into the light. Don't think about it; just, whose hand is the first one to pop into your head? Whose hand do you see, grabbing yours?"

Kylo closed his eyes and pictured what his uncle had just said, focused on the light of the door opening, and the hand that reached out to his.

And he smiled.

It was so clear, so powerful, that it couldn't be anything other than right.

And he smiled, as he went to join his uncle in the kitchen, to begin planning.


	9. Chapter 9

"We have to talk. Or, I have to talk, and you have to listen."

Snoke folded his hands calmly together on his desk. "Oh? About what?"

Kylo had waited until towards the end of the day, after lunch, to go and confront Snoke. He purposely waited until he knew that the other counselors in the adjoining offices would be out to lunch, so that they could have privacy. 

Now he took a deep breath, and said what he needed to say.

"You. Me. This. I'm done. I'm tired of your lies, I'm tired of your manipulation. I'm tired of hurting those closest to me. And I'm DONE. From now on, I'm not listening to a single fucking word you say."

Snoke chuckled indulgently, shaking his head. "Why, Kylo, you make it sound as though I'm controlling you."

He stood up and came closer to the boy.

"But I'm not. I never did. The only thing I ever did was bring the things that YOU thought, that YOU desired, into the light."

He turned and sat back in his seat.

"And now that you see how strong you are, see your potential, you realize you need me, to advance you along. I'm not your enemy; I'm your friend. Probably the only real one you've got, at this point."

"That's not true!"

"No? Well, I'm sure Rey still wants to be your friend after you hurt her against those lockers. I'm sure Hux will forgive you if he were to find out who it was that caused Poe's little swim accident."

"That--that wasn't my fault! It was YOU! You put those ideas in my head!"

"Did I? Or did I just give them a voice?"

Kylo put his head in his hands, confused. He needed to fight back, here.

He concentrated as hard as he could, and flooded Snoke's mind with the pictures that Luke had out into his mind with his story, of a younger Snoke being tossed around the room like a rag doll by Kylo's grandpa.

Snoke's face blanched slightly; yet he didn't let go of his smile.

"Don't you wish you were as powerful as that, Kylo Ren? Don't you wish you had command of your gift like that? But you don't. You're still a foolish, weak child. You NEED me, to--"

Without warning, in mid-sentence, Snoke flew out of his chair and spiraled across the room, striking the opposite wall with a heavy thud.

He pulled himself up, slowly, in disbelief.

And still, still, that maddening little smile was on his lips.

"I stand corrected; you ARE that powerful. But you need me. You need me to help you, to nourish your talents. Who else can you turn to, if not me?"

"Me."

Both Kylo and Snoke turned towards the door at the same time.

Luke stood there, his hands clenched into fists, the cords standing out on his neck.

Yet despite his aggressive stance---he was smiling.

"Luke. Luke Skywalker. It's been a long time, hasn't it? How's your sister?"

"How's your back?", Luke retorted, stepping closer to him. "The last time I saw it, and you, it was damn near broken."

A snarl.

"Yes, yes. Pity your father didn't think to kill me, then. If he was smart, he would have. Or rather, if he had had the guts."

Kylo could see that Snoke had touched a live-wire nerve in his uncle's psyche, and he moved towards his advancing form, in a panic, to hold him back.

"I'm going to show you a trick I learned from your grandpa," he said slowly to Kylo, his eyes never leaving Snoke. "It's called The Heart Game. You think about the other person's heart; see it as a living, pumping organ. And gradually, bit by bit, you see it stop. First it skips one beat, then two, and on and on until their lungs scream out for air, it clenches, and finally falls dead in their chest."

Now he looked at Snoke, and grinned.

"Much cleaner than throwing a person around the room, wouldn't you say? Also much less suspicious. When they find you, why, they'll just think you had a nice, quiet heart attack."

"Oh, don't give me that, Skywalker. I know you're bluffing; you and your sister never wanted to learn anything quite so useful from your father."

Luke shrugged. "Suit yourself."

He stepped directly in front of Snoke, and pointed his finger at his chest. His eyes were pinpointed to the spot in extreme concentration, and he said, "Slower".

Snoke's eyes went wide, and he clutched a gnarled hand to his chest.

"What--"

"Slower," Luke repeated calmly, more loudly than before. Kylo watched in fascination as Snoke brought his other hand to his chest, and began breathing harshly.

"Slowest," Luke drawled, now putting his other hand to his temple and closing his eyes.

Snoke fell to the floor, still clutching his chest; his eyes were open as wide as possible, his lips rapidly pursing in and out, like a fish out of water.

Luke crouched down beside him.

"So what do you think?", he asked softly. "Let me tell you what I think. I'll release my hold on your heart. You'll get up from this floor, and walk out of here. You'll get in your car, and drive. You won't stop driving until you're clear out of this town, clear out of this state. And you won't bother my nephew again. Say that last part with me."

"I -- won't -- bother -- your nephew -- again," Snoke gasped, his breath rising and falling in sporadic whirls.

"You don't sound very convincing. Maybe I can better motivate you," Luke said, holding out his hand in a clenching motion. He rapidly flexed his fingers, as though squeezing an orange; and Snoke began to cry, now clawing at his chest with both hands.

"Say it."

"I WONT BOTHER YOUR NEPHEW AGAIN!", he spat out, his scream  
coming out weakly and breathlessly.

Luke straightened out of his crouch, and unclenched his fist.

"Go."

Snoke got to his knees, then to his feet, and left, without so much as a backward glance behind him.

In his wake, the silence seemed very loud.

Kylo was shocked speechless, both by the complete absence of the voice that had been plaguing his mind all year, and the raw display of power he had just witnessed from  
his uncle.

"Uncle--I didn't, I had no idea you could do something like that."

"I can't."

"You--you what?"

"I didn't do a thing to him."

"But--but--then why did--?"

Luke smiled and put his hand on Kylo's shoulder. "Do you ever listen when I talk? I told you, people only have as much power over us as we LET them have, or that we believe they do. Snoke /believed/ that I was slowing his heart, so it worked on him."

He shook his head and sighed. "I think--I believe he's gone, now. He won't bother your mind anymore, Ben, IF you don't let him back in."

Kylo hugged him, hard, relief flooding his entire body.

"I won't, Uncle. God help me, I won't."

"Good. Now let's get out of here; I can hear some tacos calling our name."

"I still have two class periods to go, though."

"What classes?"

"History, and gym."

Luke smiled. "So you'll jog to the car, and I'll give you a brief history on the origin of tacos on the way to the food. Okay?"

"Okay."


	10. Chapter 10

"First off all, I want to apologize. I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am, Rey. I never should have gotten as mad as I did, I never should have put my hands on you, in any way. I'm so sorry."

It was about a week after the entire scenario had unfolded with Snoke, and things in Kylo's life had finally started to get back to normal.

Well, almost.

He had been avoiding Rey this entire time, because he wasn't quite sure what to say to her. He knew he needed to apologize, and he needed to have a talk with her about their relationship.

It didn't help that anytime he so much as got up the nerve to talk to her, Finn would be there, in the background, menacing, silently forbidding.

He finally managed to catch her alone, after school, coming out of Photography club; which had been taken over by another teacher due to Snoke's sudden departure.

She smiled at him gently, as he got his apology out.

"It's okay, Kylo, I know. But we can work this out, I'm sure of it."

She went to kiss him, but he pulled away, shaking his head. "I can't do this."

"W-what? What are you talking about?"

"Rey, I want you to be my friend. I think that's how it's supposed to have been from the get-go; how it's supposed to be now."

"Just--friends?"

"Yes."

"But why?"

He sighed, not sure how to explain it to her without hurting her feelings.

In the end, he just said what came into his head: the truth.

"I can't be with you--because I'm not in love with you. I thought I was--but I think what I felt was more infatuation than love. And that isn't healthy. You deserve so much more. You're beautiful and smart and talented, and strong, and goddamit you DESERVE so much more."

Tears had come into her eyes, which she shakily wiped away with one trembling hand.

"O-okay," she said unsteadily, biting her lip. "I can accept that. Friends."

Now she looked at him curiously.

"But--there's something more to this, isn't there? I can feel it. Something you're afraid to tell me."

He took a deep breath, and looked down at the floor.

"You're right; there is. I'm, um, I'm in love. With someone else. And I think I have been, this entire time."

~Hux?~, she asked gently into his mind.

He nodded, still not looking up.

She took both of his hands, slowly, into hers, and gave them a squeeze.

~Then tell him.~

He shook his head.

I can't. I can't. He's with Poe. He's happy. I can't mess that up for him.

~Still, you need to tell him how you feel. Even if he rejects you. Even if it hurts. If not, it's gonna be a huge 'what-if' that'll eat at you until it drives you crazy. Tell him.~

He looked up at her, and smiled the tiniest bit.

I should be giving this advice to Finn, right now. If he would talk to me, that is. More likely than not he'd just knock my ass out again, he thought, half-teasing her.

~Finn? What's he got to do with this?~

Because the situation is the same, or almost the same. I read his mind during our--our 'discussion'. He cares about you, Rey. Quite a bit. As, uh, as more than a friend. He's been quite efficient at hiding it; but the day he heard that I hurt you, it all came out.

Rey was silent, still holding onto Kylo's hands.

~Are you sure?~

I'm sure. Positive, in fact. He loves you. He has for quite some time. Talk to him and see where it goes.

She smiled, and suddenly pulled him into a hug. He squeezed her back, softly.

~I'll talk to him; if YOU talk to Hux. Deal?~

She stuck out her hand playfully, and after a minute, Kylo grasped it.

Deal.

\---

Kylo sat in his living room, leaning restlessly back into the couch, tapping his foot on the floor.

Hux was on his mind.

He had sat on Rey's advice for several days now, afraid to take the plunge and go over to his house, to talk to him.

To tell him how he felt.

Sitting here, now, he thought he had finally nerved himself up to get in his car and go over there.

But what if he got there, and chickened out? He didn't want to show up for no apparent reason, but he was at a loss as to how it would look natural for him to appear on the doorstep.

The answer came to him as he wandered into the kitchen, where two still-hot loaves of banana bread were cooling on a rack on the counter.

Mrs. Solo's banana bread was practically famous all over the town; everybody went crazy over it.

Including Hux, and Hux's mother.

A note by the rack, written in Leia's lovely sprawling handwriting, said

"Ben,

Don't you dare touch these loaves; am taking to work for potluck lunch tomorrow.

\--Mom."

Kylo grinned as he found a knife, and began cutting one of the loaves into neat, symmetrical slices, which he then arranged prettily in one of his mom's flowered storage containers.

What's that, mom? Take one of these loaves over to your good friend, Mrs. Hux? Okay, will do, he thought to himself with a smirk.

\---

He pulled into Hux's driveway, his heart pounding a mile a minute. He tried to calm himself by taking deep breaths as he walked up the gravel driveway.

After a few light knocks on the door, Hux opened it, looking surprised to see Kylo.

"'Lo? What are you doing here?"

Kylo held out the container he was carrying. "Here. My mom said to bring this over for your mom. It's banana bread; she just made it."

A big smile crept over Hux's face.

"That's kinda freaky; I was literally just telling Poe that I was hungry, but didn't feel like cooking anything."

"Poe?", Kylo said, startled. "Do you mean, he's--"

At that moment Poe came around the corner and joined Hux at the door. He looked at Kylo with a grin.

"Long time no see, man. How'r you?"

"Oh . . . hey, Poe. I didn't realize you were out of the hospital."

"Yeah, man, they let me go," Poe said, laughing. He reached up and touched the band aid on his head. "Don't have to go back to school  
until next week, thank God."

Kylo gave a small chuckle. "Well, that's good. Glad to see you're feeling better."

Now he turned to Hux. 

All the words that he had meant to say, that he had rehearsed a thousand times in his head, fell to pieces when he got a look at Hux's face.

He seemed happy.

The way he stood next to Poe, hovering over him, gently touching his arm -- he SEEMED happy.

And so did Poe.

I love you, Hux, he thought quietly to himself, wishing fiercely, for the first time ever, that Hux could read HIS mind. I love you, and I think some part of me will always love you, and will always relive the time we shared together. But maybe, it's time to let you go.

And for a few bright seconds, absurdly, it seemed as though Hux DID read his mind. He was looking at Kylo with his head tilted, his lips pressed together in that way he had when he was really thinking about something. It seemed, to Kylo, that he had heard everything the dark haired boy had been thinking.

There was a second when their eyes met, and a thousand different memories went galloping through Kylo's brain at lightning speed.

Their first kiss.

Their awkwardly sweet first time being intimate.

The time Kylo had the flu and Hux came over to his house every day after school, holding his head in his lap, talking to him, reading, singing.

The time Hux had sprained his ankle and Kylo raced him along the hallways at school, hoisted on his back, until both collapsed in a tangle of limbs and laughter.

He thought of all these things, and more; and was suddenly positive that Hux was experiencing the same visions that Kylo was.

Or maybe that was just Kylo's imagination.

"I'm gonna take off, Hux."

"Why don't you join us, 'Lo? We were just about to watch Lethal Weapon; I know that's one of your favorite movies. Poe's never seen it; it'll be fun."

Kylo took a slow step backwards and shook his head. "That's ok; I should be getting back home," he repeated. "Have fun, though. I'll see you at school tomorrow, huh?"

"Okay," Hux told him, a bit of confusion coloring his face at Kylo's abrupt change in attitude. "See you. And tell your mom thanks for saving me from starvation!"

Poe and Hux watched as Kylo walked quickly back to his car and took off down the street.

"That boy . . . he's so weird, sometimes," Poe said to Hux, as they walked back into Hux's living room. "So moody; so, I don't know, intense. How did you ever date him for two whole years?"

Poe sat on the couch, as Hux set up the DVD player. He fiddled with it longer than necessary, in order to smooth out the expression on his face.

When he did turn back around, he smiled, and said,

"He's not all bad. And he makes a pretty damn good friend. Can't ever have too many friends, you know."

"No, I guess not," Poe agreed, as the two settled back on the couch to watch the movie.

Poe's eyes were riveted to the screen--

\--but Hux's were fixed on the door.

\---

"Hey."

"Hey."

"I thought I'd find you here, sometimes you're a real masochist."

Kylo raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, all the places you could choose to run off to, and you pick the only one that could give you pneumonia with the cold."

Phasma had found him, after first trying his house, the park, and several other of his hangouts, sitting in his usual spot on the pier. The water was choppy and the wind blowing off the lake was cold, despite the pleasant warmth of the evening.

He shrugged listlessly at her comment. "I'll be fine. Top notch immune system, you know."

She rolled her eyes as she sat down beside him. "I'll be sure to tell the ER that when they're busy draining fluid out of your lungs."

She folded her legs beneath her and pulled her hood tightly over her head, before shoving her hands in her pockets.

After a silence, she said, softly,

"Do you want to talk about it?"

He shook his head No.

"You're sure?"

"There's nothing else I could tell you, that I didn't already say in my text, Phas. I'm just, I'm hurting. Im hurting but I'm gonna be fine."

She scooted closer to him and wrapped her arms around his shoulder. He relaxed the stiff set of his shoulders and let her hold him, taking comfort from her warm touch.

"You know, it might be easier for me to justify my feelings IF Dameron was an ass, like an absolute piece of shit who treated Hux like worse shit. But--"

"--but he's actually a really nice guy, and he really does like Hux."

"Yeah." 

He picked up a pebble and tossed it. It skimmed out over the water, faintly gleaming in the moonlight before sinking beneath the waves.

"And Rey?", Phasma asked him, after a minute.

"She and I are friends. Just friends. Which is how it should have been, and stayed, in the first place. I guess I was, I don't know, too distracted by her looks and the whole being like ME thing, to really see that."

Phasma nodded, then gave him a half-grin. "You boys never think with your heads. Or, not the RIGHT heads, anyway."

"Normally I'd argue with you on that, but honestly, I can't. Clearly I haven't been thinking at all these past few months, considering the shitty decisions I've made."

"Nobody expects you to be perfect, you know."

"I do."

She glanced at his face, and was shocked to see tears rolling steadily down his face. It silently shook his body, and he did nothing to hold it back, letting out his pain and frustration. 

After a few moments, she pulled him into her arms and held him, letting him cry against the side of her neck.

Eventually he was able to straighten back up and let go of her, wiping away his tears with his sleeve. He was still hurting but now he felt better. Cleaner. As if he had cut himself open and taken out a heavy stone that had been weighing him down.

Phasma glanced at her watch. "I know it's kinda late, but . . . you wanna go get a pizza or something? We can take it back to my house, watch a movie."

"What movie?"

"What do you want to watch?"

"A comedy," he said, as they walked back down the pier and headed towards the car. "I need a good laugh."

"Me, too," she said, gently squeezing his hand, holding it as they walked along through the dark.

"Me, too."


	11. Chapter 11

Kylo jolted upright in bed, nearly spilling himself to the ground with the sudden jerky movement.

Wha--he thought incoherently, trying to get his bearings.

Ring ring. Ring ring.

Oh. It was his phone.

He fumbled it off his dresser and squinted at it, his sleep-fogged eyes not letting him see the name flashing across the screen.

He grumbled as he pressed the green button.

"Hello?", he said, fuzzily.

"Hey, Kylo, it's me, Hux. Sorry to wake you, but, um, I want you to get dressed. I'm going to pull up to your house in about 10 minutes. I--I really want to talk to you."


End file.
